Moms Holly, Christi, Kelly and Melissa watch over their daughters Paige, Mackenzie and Nia in Dance Moms

Dance Moms

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A young Shirley Temple

Shirley Temple

Elizabeth Taylor with mother Sarah

Elizabeth Taylor with mother Sarah

Justin Timberlake with his mum Lynn

Justin Timberlake with mum Lynn

Lindsay Lohan with her mother Dina

Lyndsay Lohan with mother Dina

Real Housewives of New Jersey Gia Giudice with mother Teresa

Gia and mother Teresa

Kim and Kris Kardashian

Kim and Kris Kardashian

Britney Spears with mum Lynne and brother

Britney Spears with mum Lynne

Dance Moms of the Rich and Famous

ARTICLE

Dance Moms pretty much says it on the tin: this show ain't about the kids. This show is about the mums and their own failed dance careers, their broken knees and unwanted growth spurts that left them on the on the dance heap aged 14-and-a-half. It's about their shattered dreams and unworn leotards, their healthy feet bearing the tell-tale signs of a life lived outside pointe shoes. (Well, we imagine. We haven’t seen the Dance Moms’ feet except for the bare bits in strappy sandals.) Why else would they be forcing their daughters on stage in that near-violent way that only dance mums can? Furiously yanking their hair into buns and such? Did these daughters actually want to dance? Maybe. But that is not the point, nobody asked them and frankly, we're not going to start asking them now in case they leave the show and there’s no more Dance Moms. 

So who else had a Dance Mom or dad steering their career? Just about everybody, apparently. We looked into it for you.

A young Shirley Temple

Shirley Temple

Shirley Temple

Elizabeth Taylor with mother Sarah

Elizabeth Taylor with mother Sarah

Old school dance mom right here. Gertrude Temple started wee Shirley in show business when she was just 3 years old and at Fox Studios ol’ Gertie was on the payroll as Shirley’s coach and hairdresser. She is best remembered in Hollywood as “the one who plonked her daughter onto movie sets and shouted SPARKLE, SHIRLEY, SPARKLE from behind the camera”.

Justin Timberlake with his mum Lynn

Justin Timberlake with mum Lynn

Judy Garland

Lindsay Lohan with her mother Dina

Lyndsay Lohan with mother Dina

The best-named mum on the planet Ethel Gumm, a Vaudeville actress, pushed Judy and her sisters onto the stage when Judy was two-and-a-half. At 13 she signed with MGM and played Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz three years later.

Real Housewives of New Jersey Gia Giudice with mother Teresa

Gia and mother Teresa

Brooke Shields

Kim and Kris Kardashian

Kim and Kris Kardashian

Brooke started working at 11 months old, posed nude and in full make-up at 10 for a Playboy photographer (her mum Teri’s idea, she sold the photographs for $450), and played a child prostitute at 12 in Pretty Baby. She was on the cover of Vogue at 14, and was the star of a Calvin Klein jeans ad a year later ("What comes between me and my Calvins?" she says, legs akimbo. "Nothing."). All of this is no worse than ‘a bit icky and morally dubious’ and Brooke herself never outright complained about it, although she did say this when describing her own birth: "It was then that Teri found her career."

Zing! Dance Mom origin story right there.

Britney Spears with mum Lynne and brother

Britney Spears with mum Lynne

Michael Jackson

While managing his kids Joe Jackson insisted they call him Joseph and despite having a huge role in the launching of some truly massive music careers nobody seemed to like him all that much. By 1987 even La Toya had left him. It’s little wonder: Michael said that throughout relentless rehearsals, Joe would sit and watch with a belt in his hand. "If you didn't do it the right way, he would tear you up, really get you.” That’s no way to treat Michael Jackson, Joe Jackson.

Just a little sidebar of interest here: what is going on with Joe Jackson’s eyebrows? They’re a bit, y’know, Janet.

Elizabeth Taylor

Pal-of-Michael-Jackson Elizabeth Taylor told CNN’s Larry King re: Michael, ‘We’re very much alike. We both had horrible childhoods. Well, working at the age of 9 is not a childhood.’ Her mother Sara was the driving force behind Elizabeth’s career (and as a former stage actress she was said to be jealous of her daughter’s success and frankly would wouldn’t be).

Fun fact: Elizabeth Taylor has a genetic mutation that means she has two rows of eyelashes, like shark teeth. On the set of her first film, Lassie Come Home, they complained she had too much make-up on and tried to remove it. It was nothing but her freakish/lovely lashes.

Justin Timberlake

Another manager in the form of a parent, here. But Justin's mum Lynn Harless was not only his manager, she also took care of his finances and real estate deals, and even got involved in his romances – she apparently had the power of veto over Cameron Diaz. And so we ask: what kind of man lets his mum veto Cameron Diaz? Anyway, the dude's got a tattoo of a guardian angel on his back with his mum's initials right by it (geddit, she's got his back). She did get to go to some pretty cracking parties for her troubles, and got a manager’s cut of all his pocket money. Plus he bought her an entire golf course just for the hell of it. Okay Justin, we get the point, you love your stage mum.

Thora Birch

You remember Thora Birch. She was Kevin Spacey’s daughter in American Beauty and got to watch a home video of a plastic bag floating about in the street, courtesy of the weird bloke next door. She also very nearly got to play Lucy Seward in an off-Broadway production of Dracula except her dad/manager/former porn star Jack Birch came in and got embarrassing by threatening a co-star during rehearsals for rubbing Thora’s back (even though he was directed to do it) and Thora was permanently replaced by her understudy. According to the New York Post, the dad also got weird on the set of Thora’s 2007 film, The Winter of Frozen Dreams, by demanding to be present during all of his Thora’s sex scenes with Dean Winters. “It was so wrong,” said someone from the set. “The director is saying ‘Harder! Faster!’ and the father is giving Winters the thumbs-up.” Oh, dad.

Fun fact: Thora Birch’s mum is also a porn star. She’s Carol Connors of Deep Throat fame.

Drew Barrymore

Drew famously went off the rails and officially blames her mum Jaid for it – she petitioned for (and was granted) legal emancipation from her parents at 15, citing her mother as a bad influence. Drew was 6 when she starred as Gertie in Steven Spielberg’s E.T. and was being dragged to Studio 54 by her mum not long after. She was smoking by 9, drinking regularly by 11, and snorting coke by 13 and was in and out of rehab. Lesson learned: Mums should stick to dance routines and milky Horlicks in sub-10s.

Miley Cyrus

Miley’s achy breaky dad Billy Ray starred as her fictional father/manager in Hannah Montana, although in real life he’s just her plain old dad and has never made any money out of her. He’s a bit sad now and wishes the Hannah Montana show never happened, actually. "I hate to say it, but yes, I do. Yeah. I'd take it back in a second. For my family to be here and just be everybody okay, safe and sound and happy and normal, would have been fantastic. Heck, yeah. I'd erase it all in a second if I could."

Incidentally, Miley’s been getting some flack after twerk-gate, and she sticks her tongue out too much and won’t stop talking about how she shaved her head like she was the first person to ever do so. But you’re alright, Miley. You were funny on SNL and that Sinead/Wrecking Ball mash-up is catchy as all get out.

Lindsay Lohan

Dina Lohan has been Lindsay’s manager since the early 1990s and somehow managed to land a reality TV show starring herself and the younger Lohan, Ali. Living Lohan is all about trying to get Ali into show business with the help of her manager, Dina. Evidently there is no rest for the wicked/dance moms and no saturation point for Lohans in Hollywood.

Gia Giudice

She’s 12 and she recently added ‘twerk’ to her twitter bio (twerk count for this article: two twerks) which previously only read ‘Dancer~Singer~Model~Actress~Cheer~Jersey Girl~Summer~Single’. You’ll know her from The Real Housewives of New Jersey. She’s the one being driven to performances, auditions and talent agencies by Real Housewife Teresa.

All the Kardashians

Khloe, Kourtney, Kim, Kendell and the other ones are all managed by their mum, Kris Jenner, as documented frequently and thoroughly in Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Q. How come Rob Kardashian wasn’t called Kob?

Britney Spears

Lynne Spears swears she wasn’t a typical stage mum so hard that she wrote a whole book about it called Through the Storm in which she essentially says, ‘Look, it wasn’t my fault she shaved her head that time.’ But Britney’s all good now and her latest video’s a keeper. Still, we're pretty up for Britney's dad assuming power of attorney over all of us, whatever the case. We just drunk-bought a pair of £200 Kurt Geiger shoes that we don't need. TAKE IT AWAY, BRITNEY'S DAD. PUT THIS CREDIT CARD SOMEWHERE WE WILL NOT FIND IT.

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