BT 329 & TalkTalk 329
Things We’d Like to See in Season Five of Dance Moms
After what was arguably the most explosive series to date, season four of Dance Moms has left us shell shocked. The Select Team have been ousted, Christi’s threatened to walk for good (and we think she actually means it this time) and Kelly’s already beaten her to it, dragging Brooke and Paige in tow. Meanwhile off camera, everyone is suing everyone. Lest we forget, this is America, where 13-year-old girls can sue their ex dance teachers. Now with the new season gearing up, we’re bracing ourselves for yet more drama come the New Year. This is what we’d like to see in season five.
Nia coming into her own
Perennially of the lower echelons of the pyramid, a compliment for Nia is, ‘You didn’t get yelled at this week, because you blended in,’ which in real life is the equivalent of, ‘Your arse doesn’t look as big as it usually does in those jeans’. But with the usually quiet Holly abandoning her role as the civilised one and beginning to throw her weight around, we’re hoping we get to see more of Nia this season. Or at least, she wins herself a few more starring roles outside of the ‘ethnic’ leads.
More of the Candy Apples
Let’s face it: Cathy brings the crazy. As well as a reliable source for zingers like ‘It looks like someone threw up on you,’ the constant competition between her and Abby always spells drama for the rest of the moms (and woe betide any of the girls who fail to beat out the Candy Apples come competition time). Which all makes for excellent viewing for us.
Chloe and Christi’s return
No, Chloe! Don’t leave us! Moms threatening to quite might be a recurring theme of the show, but Christi looked frighteningly serious in the season four finale and with Kelly, Brooke and Paige gone for good, we’re worried Christi might be following suit for real this time. Christi, we’ve already lost your wingman, don’t make us face life without you too. Who will Jill fight with?
Revenge of the Select Team
Now that the Select Team have been booted from ALDC following their loss at Nationals, this is the perfect opportunity for a revenge storyline in season five. Maybe they could join forces with Cathy and the Candy Apples, where they’ll exclusively work on routines to ‘Chandelier’. Or perhaps they could open their own rival studio, happily completing the trifecta of crazy. Either way, we hope they bring back Christy-with-a-Y. It’s just not the same without her.
More brilliant one-liners
If the moms can be counted for anything (other than throwing down harder than the cast of TOWIE and MIC combined) it’s fantastically ridiculous one-liners. Notable examples from the past include, ‘I have three kids and they all came from the same sperm and the same egg.’ Abby’s, ‘I felt like Justin Bieber.’ And ‘I was really worried she was going to pull out my weave.’
Come season five, bring it, dance moms.