Every good season must come to an end! We're fully into Dance Moms withdrawal mode. Gone are the jazzy outfits, the thinly veiled competition between the moms and the oddly themed choreography. There is just so much to miss without Dance Moms on. Let us count the ways.
1. Monday nights
Without Dance Moms, Monday nights have gone from being the highlight of the week to the non-event they usually are. Might as well sleep straight through to Tuesday.
2. Kira's mama drama
She's pregnant and dealing with the ensuing rollercoaster of hormones, which completely justifies a few fights with Abby. We, on the other hand, have no such excuse for our mid week slump or Sunday night grumpiness, but that doesn't stop us from feeling a kinship with her over our own irrational mood swings. We know what you're going through Kira (we don't); we're right there with you (we're really not); it's exactly the same (it's not at all).
3. And then everyone else's drama
You got into a fight with your boss, dropped a Mars bar on a white top and lost £20 on the way home. Then you see Holly storming out of the studio in a fury, Kalani dragged out of dance practise by her mum and Mackenzie beating Maddie at a competition and suddenly, your problems are but a distant memory. Schadenfreude is a thing and YOU NEED THE HIT.
4. Holly's life advice
It's not just Nia that benefits from that, ok? Her words heal.
5. Just JoJo
A perennial ray of sunshine, there is seemingly nothing capable of getting JoJo down, which makes her the perfect antidote to everyday life. We need that back.
How are you even meant to know who is important and who's not without a visual display of headshots arranged in order of who's disappointed Abby the least this week? HOW?
7. Jill's Blingspiration
There's nothing so cheering as a flash of Jill's jewels. Instagram has nothing that compares with her fabulous jewellery collection. Christmas trees the world over are struggling to compete with the baubles seen dangling from her ears. Gravity has even been known to give up in the face of their size and scale. Life is less sparkly now.
8. Abby's weave
It is an ALDC member in its own right and thus should be appreciated accordingly.
9. Abby's bizarre behaviour
Who else really wants another glimpse into that handbag? What is she hoarding that isn't safe for children? And did Melissa eat that cookie? More importantly, is she even going to show up for season six? At this point, who can even say for sure.
10. The dance
Watching Dance Moms is basically the equivalent of watching the ballet and while we can watch those beautiful lyrical routines, there is no need to feel guilty about not going to a single gallery, exhibition or museum. We're culturally poorer without it. Come back, Dance Moms!