Little Women: NY


Little Women – Small World Problems

You will, by now, have heard of First World Problems – those worrisome irks that strike even the most highly privileged among us. Plights such as panini oil marking a Whistles coat; or cutting your lip on a sea salt and basil bagel crisp. Laughable problems, but problems nonetheless, I'm sure you'll agree.

However, none of them quite compare to the problems suffered by little people, forced, everyday, to live in a world designed for big people. When your whole life has been designed for the same person, only two feet taller, things get difficult fast.

Getting Into Bed

Yes, your ordinary double turns into a plush world of wonder when you're four foot nothing, but getting onboard? A trial. It's alright at home, when you can be equipped with a step-ladder or a boost from a willing partner, but what about in a lush hotel situation? Better call the desk for a mini-trampoline, fast.

Going to An Amusement Park

You know those height charts they have for children, denying the smaller sorts the chance to ride on the more dangerous of the attractions? It's funny when it's making a child cry, but when it's making a middle-aged woman cock a hip and pout it's just plain mean.

Playing Mini Golf

Actually, given that they have a plentiful array of golf clubs for children, this one is surmountable. I just want to point out that at that point it's not really mini golf anymore. It's just golf.

Riding on a Boat

The ladies of Little Women are just as capable as the ordinary among us of sunning themselves fabulously on the deck of a yacht in a bikini – the trouble comes when there's swell and walking is required. The centre of gravity of a little person? Not where it needs to be when attempting to avoid a Christy-Overboard situation. Let's face it though, Christy is ALWAYS going overboard.

Buying Frozen Yoghurt

You know the kind of white deliciousness that dispenses from a tap? You have to be able to reach the tap.

Having Sex

When it's a dwarf-on-dwarf situation, the logistics are simple – but when it comes to a little woman having sex with a big man? There's simply not enough leg to wrap around, as Christy so nicely put it. So they're up in the air – straight up in the air. Can you picture it? Pretty sure she'll draw a diagram, if you ask.

Carrying Things

Perhaps the most poignant Little World Problem happened when Terra was shopping for her unborn baby, and looking at car seats. Guys, she couldn't even lift the car seat. That baby better be born ready and aware and willing to carry its own stuff. And maybe drive the car.