Vanderpump Rules


8 things you'll know if you've ever worked as a waiter

Watching Vanderpump Rules is like watching a very slow, Americanised, car crash take place – and I mean that in the best way possible. Having been an avid fan of the Real Housewives franchise, I was more than a little excited to learn of the spin off. More bitchiness, more drama and, most importantly, more Lisa and Ken who are undoubtedly the best people in the Beverley Hills series. But what else is great about Vanderpump Rules is that, as an ex waitress and bartender myself, there are plenty of situations that I can recognise and appreciate. OK, maybe not the topless fight in Vegas, or the photo-shoots by the pool, but arguments, bad jobs and not getting on with your colleagues? Yep, been there, got the T-shirt my friend.

You will fancy at least one of your colleagues and, most probably, get off with them

I think it's clear that Jax is Sur's head lothario, but there is always one. You know, when you walk in on the first day, notice the incredibly handsome man making cocktails and realise that, if it's the last thing you do, you will have snogged him at least once before you leave the job. Queue all kinds of hideously embarrassing, post-work situations where you try your luck but hey, at least it keeps things interesting.

Mistakes will be made

Of course you will mess up at some point. You'll give the wrong food to a table, or completely forget one. But these mistakes pale in comparison to the goings on at Sur. I for one, have never had sex in the toilets whilst I was meant to be on the job (I'm looking at you Jax and Laura-Leigh).

You will definitely not get on with all your workmates

So self-titled ‘Princess Stassi' might be at the more obnoxious end of the spectrum, but when working in a busy restaurant it's basically impossible to get on with everyone you work with. There'll be the barman who thinks he's god's gift to drink-making, or the waitress who grabs all the big tables first to guarantee good tips. My advice? If you can't beat them, join them – soon you'll be barging your colleagues out the way as you try get to that table of very drunk, rich businessmen.

You will work with idiots

Sad but true. In the world of restaurant work you will stumble upon these hopeless cases who simply can't get themselves together. Messing up orders, asking you if pinot noir is white or red wine, unable to do very simple calculations. They'll make Laura-Leigh and her high-pitched madness look like Einstein.

The customers will hit on you

There's something about being a waitress that make men think they can legitimately say the most ridiculous things to you. Whilst I was working at one particular bar I had a bad run in with a group of males who asked me if I liked giving a certain sexual favour because I had my tongue pierced. Now bare in mind that I wasn't dressed in a mini-dress and heels a la the Sur waitresses and that I was 17 at the time and it's enough to make you shudder.

Never underestimate the importance of tips

Just as Lisa warns Stassi that she's riding on the other girls' tailcoats in regards to tips, they do tend to become the golden pot at the end of the rainbow. If you're working in a restaurant that insists on everyone sharing, you'll soon find yourself scoping out the other waiters, trying to assess if they're working hard enough for their share.

You'll get wasted at work at least once

This is just a perk (or downfall, depending on how you look at it) of the job. If you work at a bar, you will drink – either during, or after, your shift. Just make sure it doesn't culminate in a mass brawl like Jax and Frank in the parking lot.

Everyone will have ‘grand plans' for the future

Sur is in Hollywood so it's no wonder that all the workers believe they're destined for bigger things. Schenana and her ‘music' career; Kristen and Tom and they're modelling which seems to mostly involve them borrowing each others make-up; Laura-Leigh and her big break in a Jennifer Anniston movie. But when I was working, we spent most of the time reassuring each other that we were ‘only there temporarily' and ‘obviously it was just a stop gap'. Whether this turned out to be true for everyone remains to be seen…